Funny But True Reasons You Choose the Wine You Do

In a perfect world, we’d have the knowledge to pick out the greatest wine within seconds of perusing a wine isle. But, often, we don’t, (Editor's note, since we were named one of America's 10 best wine clubs by Forbes Magazine, we can help…at least once a month) and instead our emotions, or our exhaustion, or just our sense of humor takes over and we pick out wines not for the region or the year or the type of grape, but for these funny reasons.

The name sympathizes with you

Even winemakers know the power of making the consumer feel “understood,” which could be why you’ve taken home bottles with names like “Mommy Needs Her ‘Juice’” and “Rough Day” and “Therapy.” You’re sending a message If you’re a fan of play on words and literary tropes to send messages to someone, then maybe you’ve handed somebody a bottle of “Guilty Men” or “Murder on my Mind.” Or how about a bottle of “Mad Housewife?”

It matches your collection

Maybe you’re a collector of Elvis Presley paraphernalia, so you grab a bottle of “The King of Rock N’ Roll” Cabernet, just for the photo of Elvis on it. Or your room is covered in smiley faces, so you grab a bottle of the mysterious Smiley Face wine. (another Editor's note, I have a friend who loves KISS and doesn't really drink much wine, but sure enough in his garage hides plenty of KISS wine)

It’s what you and your college friends got drunk off of

Sometimes wine is just nostalgic. Even though you could only afford some truly questionable vintages back in your college days, the memories of you and your roomies, each with your own respective bottle and a straw sticking out of it, watching “The Real Housewives of Insert Any Place Here” makes up for the taste of copper and sour grapes.

Some article told you to

Rushing to a dinner party and feeling lost in the wine isle of the grocery store, you quickly Google “best dinner party wines” on your phone, and snag the first bottle you can find on the shelf. You’ll tell your hosts you read all about it. You wont tell them you read all about it like, 15 minutes ago for the very first time.

It was the most expensive

Sometimes you want to impress someone, you know nothing about wine, and you figure the biggest price tag equals the biggest reputation. So you drop $70 on a bottle you know nothing about. It’s covered in awards Admit it: you’ve been drawn in by the award stickers on bottles that say “Voted best Pinot Grigio five years in a row.” Do you ever look up who voted it the best Pinot Grigio? (see our entry on Do Wine Medals Matter?)For all we know, it could be the winemaker’s grandpa’s dog—Spotty always slurps it all up when he gets it in his bowl!

You’re feeling wild

And the wine happens to be named something like “Wild Thing” or “Wicked Chick” or “Fifty Shades of Grey.” (Yes, that last one is a real wine). If you are guilty of buying a bottle for these reasons, don’t feel too bad: the host at your dinner party is probably serving whatever was on sale at a bulk buy store.